there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
