And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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