I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
