I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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