Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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