What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
