well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
