so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
