So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
