I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
