i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
