well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
