I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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