Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
