so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
