happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
