Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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