he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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