if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i think i just lost a toe
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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