Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
