My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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