I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
