I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
