Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize