Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
