are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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