I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
