Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize