She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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