Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
