is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How's work?
Spinning.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
