Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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