At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
