remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
