did you get engaged???
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Blood and glitter go together right?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
