even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
