I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
