She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
