Plan B is the new Plan A
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
