this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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