I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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