areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
