I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
