Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
