Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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