she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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