2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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