No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
