i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
