last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
