She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
