Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
