every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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