I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
