everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Who died my cat blue again?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
