I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
