wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i think i just naturally attract stoners
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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