So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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