He kissed a someone with a penis
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
