I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
