i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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