I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
