You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
