A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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