just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
