This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dear god my vagina.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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