So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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