she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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