Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
