shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
