Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
