i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
