just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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