$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
