Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
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Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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