Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
