how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
