and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Every concussion has its silver lining
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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