i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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