when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
well, you know. whores of a feather.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
